She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize