u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
