Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
