***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
