just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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