Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
