i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
