Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
