he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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