No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize