At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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