"it" just moved
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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