That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
