Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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