I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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