You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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