And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
