he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
