Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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