This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
