ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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