I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the liver wants what the liver wants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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