Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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