Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
