he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
