the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
