I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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