people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
