another moral hangover. fuck.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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