oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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