Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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