dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize