Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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