Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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