She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
