I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize