She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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