worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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