She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
