it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize