How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
