I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
