With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
