It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
