he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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