I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
