Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
