Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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