so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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