If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
