girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
