it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
