if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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