a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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