Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
