he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize