Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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