I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
