just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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