Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize