She is in my trunk
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
