I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
