no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
